Author Topic: The Wrath of Svajcsik, by caffiene,  (Read 1141 times)

Offline DannicaAngel

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The Wrath of Svajcsik, by caffiene,
« on: April 23, 2010, 08:50:24 PM »
The Button
So, sensing that her latest victim was enjoying herself in the next town with The Sarahsaurus, a rattled vampiress stormed through to what is widely perceived as ‘the office at the back of the IT room.' Throwing her bag onto the desk she sat down on the chair and let out a loud, hearty and evil laugh as she threw back her head. She leaned back far on her chair and reached for the lever on the wall, yanking the handle and muttering furiously under her breath, "I'll give her, getting high and frolicking at the park when I'm at work....".
The top of the desk revolved to reveal a vast switchboard of buttons and dials.
"Control is mine.." she whispered narrowing her eyes before finding the poor unsuspecting girl's button. She pressed it and waited expectantly. Meanwhile an innocent girl and her friend The Sarahsaurus were enjoying a quaint chat about politics in the park of Dillontown, what they thought was a safe ten miles away from danger. All of a sudden, the girl was whipped out of The Sarahsaurus's sight in a split second on the bungee rope that she was subjected to walking around with, tied to her neck.
Dragged along the concrete road bumping painfully into cars along the way, this unfortunate picture of innocence finally arrived at the front door of Spades which miraculously was open, a short time later with cuts on her face and hands. The innocent girl arrived in a heap of limbs on the IT office floor..
The vampiress peered down at the girl in a demeaning manner.
"I want a Trilogy by the end of the day, oh..and you're not allowed friends" ordered the vampiress without so much as a 'hello'.
I was used to this abuse and replied meekly "yes of course, I..I‘m sorry I just.."
I burst into tears, my head dropped into my hands and as I sobbed tried to force the words out..
"I'm really trying" I yelped. hoping the reigning crazed vampiress would take pity.
"Out my sight.." she uttered, each word laced in venom.
I scrambled to my feet and sloped off with my head down, fighting back the tears as they stung in the back of my eyes. I sat down at my desk on my three legged chair and scratched at my face with nerves.
Sighing, I tried to find a space where there weren't pools of tears to put my scroll, I stroked my quill. ‘What can I write about?' I thought, petrified at the forty minutes I had left in which to write these three books.
& so the wrath of Svajcsik begun...

Spades Coven
The Catheronite knuckled down to attempt to write one of the greatest stories of all time, her hair a mass of health and safety rule breaking spikes. She understood the cruelty that the vampiress inflicted on her and was desperate to become the greatest writer of all time. The vampiress; Andreargh came to say goodbye at quarter to six that evening, it seemed I was to pull an all-nighter.
"The power cuts at six, here's a candle. I'll be back at nine tomorrow morning, remember..there's no time for sleep." she said, the slurring of her words suggesting that she seemed to have settled her rage slightly with quite a large amount of Gin.
"O-" I was cut off from replying..
"Use your QUILL!" she yelled, perhaps not as calm as I previously thought she was.
"Right.." I replied.
Andreargh staggered away from me.
"The door's that way" I piped up as she headed towards the wall.
"You'll watch your tongue.." and she slammed the door behind her.
I stood up and threw my desk against the wall hard.
"Use ya quill" I mimicked out loud.
I didn't have a lighter for my candle. I was locked in Spades, by myself and meant to be writing the greatest story of all time. I picked up my quill and scroll and looked at my first line.
‘One day a stick boy called Lance ran away from home. He lost an arm in a lake..'
It was pathetic. No wonder I was being forced to do better. I curled up in the corner of the room with my quill and scroll and fell into a deep sleep for two hours, I felt hopeless as far as my writing was concerned and it had been a testing day.
When I woke up, I was standing with my quill against the wall. My eyes were blurry, I rubbed them until I could focus on the wall. It was covered in writing. The entire wall I was curled up against was covered in words and verses that had escaped from my subconscious during the night. It was work of quality too!
‘Little to do about something'..I read..
‘I feel therefore I am'
‘The further a field one looks for the answer the further they have to come back to find it'.
This was amazing, I had been amazing..overnight. It hadn't occurred to me that I could see what I was doing, in the night. A lamp post was shining through the window. I looked towards the front door of Spades. I had quite a while yet before Andreargh returned. I stood back and looked at my work. I was really impressed but also intensely nervous about being told off for the fact I'd written on the wall.
I smirked as I went for a walk around spades now that I was awake. Cant say I didn't use my quill, I thought. I put CNN on the TV in the canteen for a bit, acting like I cared about the rest of the world like a grown up. Then I stood on the table where everyone else makes drinks and pretended I was talking to a crowd.
"Oh don't ask me where the inspiration came from.." I announced.
I threw out a fake but hearty laugh.
"I was asleep at the time!"
Then pretended to sign autographs. I walked to the bottom of the stairway to Devon and wondered about going ‘up there' to see where all the vampiress and wizard types spent a lot of the day. I put one foot on the first stair then heard a creak and frightened, ran fast right back to where the ink adorned the walls I had previously decorated with my thoughts. I lied down next to my work and said "Use YOUR quill" and chuckled to myself as I fell back to sleep.
I woke up again some hours later and looked at my watch, it was half eight in the morning. Andreargh and the rest of the coven were due in in half an hour. I picked up my desk and straightened one of the legs that had come out of place when I threw it against the wall then set it down neatly in front of my three legged chair. The tears had dried to leave stains against the dark wood of the table. I traced the shape of a smiley face in one of the dried puddles and as I smeared the first eyebrow on I heard the front door of Spades creak open. Looking down quickly at my scroll and quill which were strewn across the desk I straightened them neatly then hot-footed it to the entrance to see who had arrived early.
It was Andreargh and the snake headed Lisssson. I hid behind a wall that jutted out onto the corridor and watched surreptitiously to see how the mood of them both was.
"..yeah Grecko's better now and Antoine's back from Hellfaste" said Andreargh brightly.
"Marvelloussss" hissed Lisssson.
They were both blood letting into the sign-in log. I was spied by Andreargh even though I thought I was out of sight.
"You're up early" she snapped down the corridor.
"You're in..early" I retorted and quickly decided to correct my cheekily witted response.
"You look.." I cycled through a few words in my head until I found one suitable to say out loud in the circumstance.
"You look dashing today Miss Svajcsik...really quite.." I looked down and shuffled my feet as I mumbled to myself..
"stunning really"..she was wearing a floor length black cape and carrying a silver staff that ended in a razor sharp spike which she used to leak the required amount of blood out her hand. She also wore a black corset studded with red beads shaped like drops of blood and a floor length black skirt.
"Hmm.." she replied suspiciously. "How much have you written?" she probed me ignoring my compliment.
"I've done quite a lot., but can I get you a tea, you've only just got in the door" I half laughed.."we have all day to discuss my work, don't we" I was nervous.
Lisssson hissed and plodded upstairs. Apart from having the head of a snake, Lisssson was a normal looking person, wearing a beige Burberry trench coat today and pin striped trousers.
"I'll be in my office building an origami Cutty Sark" she declared to both of us.
"Okay cool" I replied.
"Right.." answered Andreargh, when Lisssson was out of sight she turned to me and said in a lowered voice, "she's not right in the head".
"She really isn't" I agreed shaking my head.
It was times like these, when Andreargh still had her morning Vicodin buzz and we got on together for brief moments between the mood swings that I felt lucky to be a part of Spades. It saddened me that no one else seemed to be on the receiving end of her wrath but then maybe I should feel honoured that she reserves all her hatred for me. It's something no one else gets, even if it is traumatic though, I had gotten used to it by now really and wasn't sure I could deal without the daily dose of volatile behaviour thrown my way.
We traipsed into the canteen and I filled the kettle from the pail of water that one of the minions had brought in the side entrance at six and put it on the stove.
"Are you taking sugar this morning?" I asked.
"Hold the tea" replied Andreargh as she set a silver rimmed shot glass onto the mahogany table. She proceeded to bring out a large bottle of Gin from her bag.
"Oh" I remarked. "starting early?" I asked, rather surprised.
Andreargh began pouring a shot steadily and didn't look up while telling me.
"Starting early, finishing late, I just don't know anymore Catheronite" she knocked back the shot and put the glass back down and looked at me.. "I just don't know."
It was a depressing scene before me. I sat down on the other side of the table and pondered on how to approach this.
"What does Grecko think about this?" I asked after a few moments, knowing that her opinion would be one of importance.
"Grecko doesn't understand" she replied.
"I don't understand" I pointed out.
"No one fucking understands" she said drinking the last dregs out of the bottle before hurling it hard against the wall. It smashed loud and the shards of glass made a pleasant tinkling sound as they hit the floor. It was going to be a fun day. Seeing as Andreargh seemed to have switched into a less than favourable mood I told her about what had happened with me overnight.
"I wrote on the wall" I said, knowing that things couldn't really get much worse. Lisssson was heard treading down the hallway. I knocked Andreargh on the shin with my foot and said under my breath forcefully, "look sober."
"Wh-?" she started.
"Lisssson" I hissed quickly.
She appeared at the doorway.
"Is something going on?" she asked, holding a paper aeroplane at her side.
"Something like what?" I answered furrowing my brow with curiosity as I caught sight of the aeroplane.
"I heard a crash" said Lisssson.
"I dropped the kettle, sorry" I explained, lying and hoping to God that she wouldn't look over at the broken bottle by the wall.
"Oh, okay.. you should be more careful" said Lisssson.
"I really should" I said glaring straight at Andreargh.
Lisssson wandered back upstairs to carry on with her paper work.
"Yeah, so I wrote on the wall?" I said to Andreargh who was drawing imaginary shapes on the table with her shot glass. She didn't seem to hear what I said and ignored me.
"Would you like to have a look?" I asked.
"I'd really love to" she beamed dreamily, she seemed out of it.
I wasn't aware of every last detail of the concoction of drugs that Andreargh had ingested the night before, but I was glad for it in a way. We strolled through to the main room of Spades and meanwhile I wondered where the rest of the coven and subjected normalites were. In the corner of my eye I glimpsed a vast whiteness out the window. I went over to the window and took a better look out.
"It's been snowing!" I squealed with glee.
"It has?" said Andreargh. My delight turned to annoyance.
"It actually has and no one bothered to tell me" I felt offended.
"I honestly hadn't noticed" sadly, I knew this to be the truth and Lisssson has been traumatised to the point of delirium ever since the takeover so I guess it was down to me to find these things out myself. We carried on towards the wall I had written on.
"And here it is!" I exclaimed, gesticulating at my work.
"Wow!" Andreargh was taken aback at the sight of all the words.. "It's actually coming out of the wall" she said, seeming overwhelmed.
"It's not coming out the wall as such" I corrected then I blurted out "I haven't written a story".
"I haven't written a story" replied Andreargh copying exactly what I had said as if it didn't matter because neither had she.
It was clear by now that it was going to take until late afternoon before I could get much sense out of the vampiress. We sat by the wall staring into space. I took out a strip of Nitrazepam out my pocket and hid it by my right side so that Andreargh couldn't see what I was doing. Why was I bothering to hide them, I pushed out a large white tablet and dry-swallowed it there and then.
After ten minutes I felt suitably mellowed out. We had been silent all this time.
"The cuts on my face hurt" I said, breaking the silence.
"I'm not a nurse Catheronite, I'm here to teach" Andreargh retorted vexed at the fact I had aggravated her unnecessarily with my news.
"I know" I said smiling. It was clearly a broken record phrase, almost a knee-jerk reaction.
"I don't think you do know though, I've said it enough times and you never seem to listen. Day in day out I have to hear of your emotional woe. When did I ever give the impression I wanted to hear it? When?! I've got enough problems of my..."
I was half way across the room looking for a first aid box.
"Are you listening to me!?" she shouted after me.
"No" I answered, lifting some files up to get to a green box I had found hoping it still contained some plasters.
I pulled out the metal box and carefully opened the lid. Inside were bandages, plasters, iodine, scissors; a full set of first aid material. I set about applying plasters to my face and then I wrapped a three foot bandage around my head so that Andreargh wouldn't be able to forget that my face and head hurt, all day. I safety pinned the end of the bandage to another part of it, near my right eyebrow. Only my nose, eyes and mouth showed.
With my back still turned to Andreargh I said "I've sorted it out myself because you don't care" then I laughed to myself at my forced guilt trip. I looked round quickly to see if it worked, it had. Andreargh looked guilty.
"I'm going to show Lisssson" I skipped out the room and ran up the stairs two at a time and into Lisssson's lair.
"I've got a bad face but look what I've done!" I exclaimed excited, grinning and proud of myself. All I could see was Lisssson's tongue flicking in an out of a huge pile of origami shapes. There was paper everywhere.
"Fucking hell" I said, shocked.
"Are you okay?" I asked walking over and removing reams of paper from on top of Lisssson's head.
"I can't cope anymore" said Lisssson as she began to rip at her work.
"Don't rip it up, it's amazing!" I told her, looking at individual pieces of her work, all so intricate and perfectly formed. I waded through the paper lake nearer to Lisssson.
"I've got a feeling Andreargh is going to sleep through lunch, she's pretty wasted. Do you want to talk? Is this about the takeover?" I asked, concerned.

The Takeover
Lisssson stood up as literally hundreds of origami shapes she had been constructing all morning fell from her to the ground and she walked over to the window. Facing away from me she sighed as her torso rose and fell.
"Ever since the Buparius bought Spades, things have been different."
She traced a line along the window sill.
"I've never been one to cope well with change and I never expected it to happen, I just..I can't get used to it" she started to open up.
Listening attentively, I began to pick up all the origami shapes from the floor and arrange them neatly along the top of filing cabinets and the window sill. A plasma television screen hung on the adjacent wall used as a video link for the head Buparians to make contact with the masters of Spades at any time they chose to. The wire had been cut and half of it hung from the back of the monitor, half from the wall; the coloured smaller wires inside it frayed with copper.
"The funds are running out, Catheronite. We can't pay to keep this place running forever, we'll all be out of jobs and the normalites will be moved along.. to God knows where. Who the hell will take on a snake headed minx like myself and Andreargh.." she sighed, "Andreargh can't function out there in society, she belongs here with us".
"Oh! When I said she was wasted, I er..I didn't know what I was saying, at all. She er..she-" Lisssson cut me off as I stumbled over my words desperately.
"It's fine. We're all quite worried about her but no one's adverse. If she wants to talk..I guess she will" said Lisssson hesitantly.
"Unapproachable" I said.
"Unapproachable" she agreed nodding.
Lisssson took out a pre-rolled reefer from her jacket pocket and pulled up the bottom half of the right window. The wind blew a gale into the lair and lots of origami shapes were whisked into a paper twister before being splayed across the floor.
"Fuck it" Lisssson hissed.
"It's ok, I'll rearrange them. You go out for your break" and with that Lisssson climbed onto the roof and lit her joint. Snow had collected into a five inch layer over the roof and the air was crisp with coldness. I joined Lisssson on the roof.
"Can we not break off from Buparius?" I asked Lisssson.
"We could take a break from talking about it at all for half an hour you know.." said Lisssson jovially.
"Yeah, I guess we could" I said looking at the ground and kicking bits of snow.
I just wanted to help. I was surrounded by unstable drug dependants. But they were the most reliable people I knew. I looked at Lisssson and smiled.
"We should go back down soon, Andreargh will be awake soon and it's not fair for her to wake up to an empty den" I said caringly.
"Okay let me finish this" said Lisssson, with a blunt in her hand.
"I think it's finished" I said flatly, looking at the millimetres of weed remaining in Lisssson's thumb and forefinger which would soon burn her hand.. "I'm going now" I carried on climbing back into Lisssson's lair.
"Okay I'll meet you down there, oh shit I haven't had lunch" she said shocked.
"I don't think we're on a schedule" I said half laughing, it's a snow day, anything goes. I grinned from the other side of the window.
"It's a snow day?" said Lisssson.

The Crush
Sighing, I trundled out the lair and back down the stairs. I clicked along the stone floor to the main room, Andreargh was half propped against the wall laughing in her sleep. I laughed too and then looked away and darted my eyes back in shock as in the corner of my eye I saw my quill! Andreargh was holding my quill in her sleep. It was weird and wrong. I crept backwards out the room as I felt like I had walked into an atmosphere I wasn't part of.
I bumped into Lisssson, quite literally who had been silently bounding towards me, a little on the high side. I tripped and Lisssson caught me.
"Shit, sorry" I exclaimed finding my feet. "Andreargh's holding my quill!" I remarked and made a strange expression, pointing. We both walked through.
"Awww, oh look! She really is, that's so cute" said Lisssson.
"It's, it's fu-. Why would she..? Don't worry actually" I started and stopped. I decided that I would take off the bandage from around my face. I looked like an idiot.
"Right, I must go and have my sandwich before I lose the ability to function" announced Lisssson.
"Sure thing" I replied.
Lisssson walked off to her lair to retrieve her sandwich from her desk drawer and then back down to the canteen to eat it. I wandered over to the desk in the far corner by the table tennis table where Andreargh and I used to have our sessions back in the day. I sat down on a chair and put my head in my hands for a couple of minutes before getting a tatty writing pad from my back pocket with a biro. I turned to the back page and begun to write..'she's like the stars to my sky, making what otherwise be dark and scary; beautiful'. I put a wavy line through it and started again..'What have I done to deser-'..
"What are you writing?" I jumped out my skin and whacked my arm across the page to hide it.
"Nothing, it, it's nothing!" I uttered panicked. Andreargh was standing behind me looking over my shoulder.
"Oh yeah?" she said raising her eyebrow and giving me a knowing smile.
I blushed deeply.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked.
"Oh, seconds Catheronite, seconds" Andreargh reassured me.
I wasn't convinced. She turned on her heel then having second thoughts turned straight back again and leant down to whisper in my ear.. "If you're going to write notes Catheronite, you're going to write them and show them to me. You never write unless what you write is shown to me. Everything you write goes through me, everything Catheronite, every little thing."..she whispered aggressively and sat down next to me, tapping the table in synchrony with her words.."I'm your writing tutor, which means.." she drew in a contemplative breath.."not that I control what you write, you can write what you want. But, think of me as an agent or..your second pair of eyes. We don't have secrets anymore Catheronite, well you don't have secrets.. okay?" I looked down at the desk in shame as Andreargh spoke at me.
I folded up my notes and went to put them back in my pocket. Andreargh grabbed my arm..
"Let me see it." she demanded.
"It's a secret." I protested.
"Catheronite, you're pushing me, let me see it now otherwise you're hands flat out, on this desk!" I knew what she meant..I looked at the metal metre stick in the corner and then the grazes on my knuckles that hadn't quite healed from the last time. I hated her sometimes, but she was beautiful.
I tossed the folded up paper across the table in her direction avoiding eye contact with a sulking expression across my face. Andreargh opened up the note and scanned it, expressionless as usual.
"Who is this about?" she asked.
"I don't really know..I.." I felt stupid saying this but it was the first thing that came out, I laughed nervously.."It's, I,..it's.. no one. Why would I write about someone?" I quickly turned it around.
"If it's about an animal I've got phone calls to make" said Andreargh looking at me seriously.
"An animal!?" I shouted in exclamation.."Get out of here.." she was antagonising me with pressure.."It's about you" I admitted, the words escaping me before I could think straight about their implications. After a short pause Andreargh reacted..
"Thank you..for your honesty, Catheronite" she said calmly as if she already knew.
"I think I've got Stockholm syndrome" I confessed randomly, wanting to change the subject and draw attention to myself at the same time. Andreargh laughed belittlingly.
"No, Catheronite, you don't have Stockholm syndrome" she smiled at me then looked away quickly.."I've got to go" she said.
"Yeah" I answered quickly.
Why had she brought this uncomfortable situation upon us? I thought to myself. I sat there for fifteen minutes stewing over what had happened. It was five o clock, somehow. I felt like I was losing the plot with stress and a multitude of other emotions. I bounded through to the canteen. Andreargh was singing a Bat for Lashes song in the corner, lying on the desk as if completely unaware of anybody else. I looked at Lisssson who was working her way through a pile of forms as if to say ‘why?' in regards to Andreargh and pointed in her direction.
"It's her way of dealing with things, Catheronite. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things" looking back down at her forms and continuing scribbling before she had finished speaking, worried I asked what she was dealing with.
"I don't know what it is this time. She even bypassed the Gin" and then I remembered what I came in for.

Gin
"Can I borrow a shot?" I asked Andreargh.
"Can you what?" she retorted looking across at me as if she'd only just realised I was there.
"The Gin, can I have some?" I pleaded, explaining what I meant.
"You can have one, I need it more than you do" I wasn't so sure.
Two hours later Andreargh had migrated onto ACDC, Lisssson had fallen asleep and I had finished the remaining half of Andreargh's last bottle of Gin. I tapped Lisssson on the shoulder, it was seven in the evening.
"Huh?" she woke up.
"It's seven o clock..in the evening" I told her.
"Oh..yeah, I forgot to say, no one's going home. We're all a bit..mentally frazzled I think is the term, not fit to travel" she explained seeming impressively on the ball for having just woken up.
"I'm okay though?" I said.
"Someone has to be, now what did you want?" she asked.
"I need to go to the off license, now. I've finished Andreargh's Gin" I said nervously, looking in the empty bottle's direction and then Andreargh.
"Right, quickly, go now before she finds out" ordered Lisssson.."She'll go spare otherwise.."
"Half fill the bottle with water before you go" suggested Lisssson.
"Gin is light brown" I replied.
"Right" answered Lisssson.
"Thanks though" I said appreciatively.
"That's okay Catheronite" she accepted, looking down at her forms again and fervidly scribbling away.
I shot out the door into the evening running to the off license along the road, the air had a cold and brisk edge to it and a blanket of stars lit the clear sky up. I had twenty pounds in my back pocket. I arrived at an off license and pushed open the door, a bell sounded letting the shop keeper know I was there. I walked up to the counter.
"Seven hundred mils of Gordon's Gin please" I asked the man behind the till.
"Have you got any ID?" he replied in a thick Asian accent of some kind.
"I'm twenty three but yes..I do have ID" I fumbled through my cards and showed the man my ID, all aspects of my body language and expression emulating attitude and annoyance. He turned round and got me a bottle then put it on the counter.
"Sixteen ninety nine" he said.
I placed my twenty pound note down on the counter. He flung it into the till and handed me my change.
"Thanks so much!" I said sarcastically.."May I have a bag please?"
"I have to charge you five pence" he explained.
"Forget it" I said not wanting to be slowed down and walked off vexed at being ID'd still.
I held the bottle by it's neck and marched back to Collincastle Road and up to Spades. There were a few people around and across the road by the theatre a group of hoodies stood about with cans of cider, shouting aggressively at each other and play fighting. I was a little intimidated but okay. It was mainly dark but the entrance of Spades was lit at the top of two cylindrical white concrete columns stood at either side of the door with bowls of fire. There was a large circular knocker in the middle of the door with a gargoyle that has red ruby eyes sticking out of it. I knocked six times rapidly. This was the code. Andreargh opened it.
"Ah, it's you, where have you been..?" She looked at my hand.."and what have you bought?"
I pulled the bottle quickly behind my back.
"Oh, nothing" I said smiling and working my way hurriedly past her.
"I was only asking" she said defensively following my movement with her gaze.
I turned round and bellowed.."Contrary to popular fucking belief Andreargh.. you ..are ..not ..my ..fucking ..mo-!" Lisssson bounded out of the canteen.."Silence Catheronite!" she roared and hissed so loudly the windows shook and a couple of bats fluttered out of the IT room and down the hall together. I felt like my stomach was about to leap onto the floor, my legs shook visibly and I felt a surge of guilt rise up from my feet right through to my neck and face.
"I'm sorry she's just.." I looked at Lisssson.."she's unreal sometimes".. then I paced along to Andreargh and mumbled to the floor in front of her.."I had all your Gin, I'm sorry" then pushed the bottle into her hand and stuck my bottom lip out.
"I'm going to write on my own, no one come and get me." I walked off quickly and threw up violently.
Then I traipsed back to the table tennis table, picking up my scroll from the desk on the way. I stopped for a few moments and read some of what I had written on the wall. Rolling up my scroll I put it on the ground and lay my head on it. I curled up in the foetal position. Mum hadn't rung and I was glad. I never wanted go home but being here was getting difficult. I had created atmospheres, opened things up. Grown issues, whatever. I needed to sleep, a break for a while. I heard murmuring coming from the canteen. I felt alone and wanted to go and join the others even given the circumstances.
I tapped at the ground and pondered. They probably wouldn't want me there. The bandage I had on was rolled up in one of my pockets, I took it out and wrapped it round my neck like a scarf not really thinking about what I was doing. I closed my eyes and everything felt bleak, I pulled at the ends of the bandage so that it tightened dramatically around my neck and relished a few moments of fear and relief as I refused myself the luxury and nightmare of breathing. Choking I let the bandage go and smiled cheekily at my madness.
I was bored so I got up again and remembered I had my phone. I texted Harrison..
‘(special hugs) how are you this evening?'..a minute later he replied.
'I'm fine hon! Just watching Stargate SG1 here with chat noir *smiley face* and thinking about the girl (special hugs) How are you hon? What are you up to?' Should I tell the truth, I wondered.
I re-read the text a few times over and thought about how worried he might be if he knew I had been confined to Spades with Andreargh and Lisssson, how worried or worse, how jealous. I decided to tell a white lie instead, at least for now..
'I'm okay just watching a DVD at the moment *smiley face*' I replied.
I really hoped he wouldn't ask to meet me on MSN.

The PC
'Are you on MSN hon?' came the text seconds after I hoped it wouldn't.
Dammnit, I thought and scrambled to my feet replying as I walked towards the canteen..
‘Give me a couple of minutes *smiley face', I walked into the canteen where Lisssson and Andreargh were chatting over, well, shot glasses.
"Erm" I said questioningly, embarrassed to interrupt their conversation.
"What is it Catheronite?" said Lisssson.
"Can I go on one of the PC's..? Please" I asked nervously.
‘What for? It's nothing to do with that memory stick is it?' asked Lisssson accusingly.
"It's nothing to do with my stick, no. I err, I want to speak to a friend on.." I reconsidered and changed my story after coughing to try and divert attention from what I had just said.."I want to look up something from Romeo and Juliet" Lisssson laughed mockingly at my face just about managing to tone down any ostentatious volume.
"It's not really funny, to be fair" it wasn't really true either but I didn't like being laughed at, especially being laughed at the fact I wanted to look something up from a romantic Shakespeare play. Why had I chosen such a subject?
"Go ahead.." she said after piping down.
‘"Is the router on?" I asked.
"The router is never switched off Catheronite, no one knows how to" she explained.
It was my turn to mockingly laugh at the ineptness of my surrounding company. I looked at Andreargh who was staring down at her glass thoughtfully, she looked up and the red markings from the strangling I had done earlier caught her by surprise. Her eyes widened and she looked at me in worried shock but said calmly.."what's happened to your neck?"..I glared at her and strode off out the canteen and down the hall to the IT room.
The IT room scared me. Mainly because at the back of it was the small office where most of the abuse from Andreargh had taken place. I went over to the door which was half open and shut it so that I didn't have to see inside, I could pretend it wasn't there, or try to. It was quarter to ten at night. I sat down on a turn-about chair near the exit and corridor and switched on a PC. It whirred quietly as the machine kicked into life. I felt happy that I would soon be able to talk to Harrison.
Down the hall I heard a chair screech along the floor and then Andreargh telling Lisssson she would see her in the morning.
"I'll be doing checks through the night" said Lisssson seemingly reassuring.
‘Checks?' I thought to myself as I clicked the internet explorer icon to go and find an MSN download. ‘Fuck that shit'. I folded my legs up in a cross legged position on the chair. Andreargh arrived at the doorway.."I'm going to bed" she said flatly at me.
"Oh really!?" I said teasingly raising an eyebrow. I looked back at the monitor and typed in ‘free MSN download' into the search bar, still looking at the screen I carried on.."Alrighty, I'll see you tomorrow..I guess" I smiled wryly at the screen then turned to face Andreargh.
She stared blankly at me before throwing out some startling wit.."google search some morals while you're there" and with that began to glide off.
"Ooooh touche!" I said after her in a raised voice then clicking on the first link of a list for MSN I said "I love you too" sarcastically under my breath.
Seconds later I had MSN and was chatting away to Harrison. I felt like I was at home, whatever home was. Home is a sense of security I think, rather than a location. We talked about various things such as the possibility of his niece Natalie coming round at Christmas when I was there..


22/10/2009: Harry - Redux: she's planning out her social calendar, and it's still October
22/10/2009: Harry - Redux: doin the rounds i guess
22/10/2009: cmr: well if it's busy i guess she has to, yeh.
22/10/2009: Harry - Redux: well, what do u think
22/10/2009: Harry - Redux: i see her once a month, anyway
22/10/2009: Harry - Redux: (give her money for her driving lessons)
22/10/2009: Harry - Redux: (gullible :)
22/10/2009: Harry - Redux: heh heh
22/10/2009: cmr: heh :) i think i'd be ok for her to come round (my psychologist will think it's good 'practice' too)

I didn't know if I was going to be free by Christmas but I couldn't let on, just now anyway. By eleven o clock Harrison wanted to go and catch up on the news and take a break from the PC. We said our good byes and texted for a while as I went onto the TYL forum to check on my subscribed threads. When I had caught up with everyone I got up and wandered down the corridor to see how Lisssson was getting on.
Before I got to the canteen I heard snoring and entered the room to see Lisssson with her head on the desk fast asleep. ‘I'll be doing checks through the night?' I thought to myself. Hmm, I somehow think not. I took the pen she was writing with out her hand and walked over to a chair in the corner of the canteen. It was scary being the only one awake. I had no idea where Andreargh was. Probably hanging upside down in the loft with some friendly bats. I wasn't tired at all, excitability had overridden that, especially now I knew I could keep in touch with the people that mattered over the web.
I plodded back along to the IT room and said hello to Ceironian, who had been on MSN all this time. By one in the morning I was tired. All of a sudden I heard violent shouts from the canteen "You can take my freedom, but you can never take my overtime!" holy shit.
I ran down to find Lisssson who was still asleep and clearly having a bad dream, a drunken bad dream at that. My heart was beating fast. Unpredictable behaviour definitely keeps you on your toes.
I pulled two chairs together to form a mock bed and curled into a ball and fell asleep. I was abruptly awoken at nine o clock the next morning by singing.."I wouldn't want to be, anywhere else but h-".."Shutup!" I shouted loudly and grumpily.
I didn't know where I was neither had I really tuned in to who it was singing. It was Andreargh, who was across the room lining up her morning whack of pills. I turned over and fell off the chairs onto the stone floor.

Day Two
"Argh, actual pure fucking pain" I exclaimed.
Andreargh was necking Vicodin and Codeine at a rate of knots with a glass of water as I pulled myself to a standing position using the table next to me. She put the glass down and looked at me fighting a smirk.
"Oh you carry on.." I said, in a chirpily sarcastic fashion.."I think you've been looking at me in my sleep and I'm not comfortable with the idea"..I said seriously and peered through Andreargh's eyes to the wall behind her with an accusatory and vexed expression then limped out the room feeling groggy and dishevelled.
There was a rap at the door. Lisssson was marching down the hallway from the main room at a rate of knots with a hole puncher in each hand, she gesticulated towards the door and walked on.
"You make..stationary scary, I like that about you" I said as she walked past, admiring my own ability to be nice first thing in the morning whilst in pain.
She peered through the spy hole.."It's Alariun, we're not letting him in".
"We are not letting him in" chimed in, Andreargh, invisible bar her distinctive voice.
I'd never liked Alariun and I was glad the feeling was mutual. He was an annoying man who made jokes that weren't funny and showed off about his life. He was arrogant, in a bad way. I wonder where he'd go.
"Don't go near the window, Catheronite" commanded Lisssson darting away from the spy hole.."don't let yourself be seen".
"Okay" I answered.
There was more knocking. Andreargh growled and shouted in a stressed out fashion. I poked my head round the door.
"I thought those pills were meant to help with that?" I said cheekily yet partly being serious.
"When have I told you what I take them for?" she questioned defensively.
"You haven't" I said.."I just guessed."
"You just guessed..wrong" she corrected.
"Do you want to have a better look at the writing I did on the wall" I asked wondering if she'd take more of an interest this time round.
"The writing's on the wall" she said giggling.
"Forget it " I muttered and began to walk off.
"Oh Catheronite, come back, I was only joking" she beckoned.."I'll have a look now".
She strode out of the canteen and I was turned away from her aiming for the IT room to look for Lisssson.
"Are you coming?" she asked.
"Do you want me to?" I said matter of factly as I spun round dramatically.
"Yes" she answered.."I do". I walked up to her and we both made our way towards the main room.
"You need to get your head seen to" I said, seemingly out of nowhere..
"Huh?" she asked, trying to make appropriateness out of what I had just said.
"I phrased that wrong" I explained and dropped the subject.."don't worry."
We arrived back at the wall where my writing was and Andreargh read my work for a while, concentrating properly this time with no mention of the words protruding out the wall.
"This is very good Catheronite" Andreargh tells me.
"Thanks" I say smiling a bit embarrassedly.
Andreargh sat down at my desk on my three legged chair.
"Why's your chair only got three legs?" asks Andreargh.
"I don't know, it's always been like that" I explain.
Andreargh stands up again and leans on the desk.
"Do you want me to see if I can get a fourth leg?" asks Andreargh after reading a couple more lines.
"No, I like it like that" I reply.
Andreargh looks at my chair as if it's odd.."Okay!"
"Why did you hold my quill?" I ask, still intrigued from yesterday.
"What?" asks Andreargh of what I've just said, I don't know if she's forgotten or is just lying because it's an odd reason or something.
"My quill, Lisssson and I saw you asleep..over there" I pointed.."holding my quill.." I looked at it..Andreargh looked at me a bit surprised that I knew this.."in your sleep" I repeated as if I still wasn't sure I believed it either.
Andreargh double took me, hesitated and made some sounds as if she was trying to find a certain word. She turned to the wall of my writing and pointed.."I really do like this, can you type it up?"
"Err, yeah. I'll do that, for my folder." and I looked at Andreargh again wondering if she would shed any light on sleeping with my quill.."I, err" I didn't have a clue what I wanted to say.
"I don't like you Catheronite" said Andreargh as if she felt she needed to balance out the niceness.
"Right, I know."..I sighed and coughed.."you're just here to teach"..
"I'm just here to teach" she agreed ..I walked off to the table tennis table to get my scroll to copy down my work from the wall.
It was lunch time.
"I'm going to go and have my lunch, work hard" said Andreargh.
"Okay,..always a pleasure, never a chore!" I said perkily.
"Think about your behaviour over the lunch hour" commanded Andreargh.
"Right" I replied and with that Andreargh bounded out of the main room.
I heard loud snapping sounds from the corridor on my way back from the table tennis table and went out to see what was going on. Lisssson was enthusiastically attacking the walls with a staple gun. Sheets of staple based ammo flew out the end of the gun in bouts.
"Having fun?" I asked, she spun round with gun now aiming at me. I gasped scared and she lowered the gun.
"Working"..I looked at the walls which were spattered with nothing but staples against a blank background.
"Cool!" I said happily, raised my eyebrows and wandered back into the main room.
I sat down at my desk and unrolled my scroll out. Seeing the pitiful lines I had started to write the other day I turned the whole thing over and began to copy out my verses and quotes from the wall. It has half twelve, I tuned round on my chair and said to Lisssson "Don't forget to have your lunch, Andreargh is having hers now.." so that she wouldn't forget again..
"Oh yeah" said Lisssson realising that was kind of wasting her time right now with the staple gun even if it was fun.."Are you not having your?"..
"I don't eat lunch" I replied..
"You.."..I cut in.."I don't eat it, I just don‘t, I don‘t need to, it‘s fine"..
"Try and have a drink at least" harped Lisssson.
"I might go out for a sugar free Redbull soon if I'm allowed? That's what I normally have on my writing days.." I explained and asked.
"You can go out for that, yes, if you come straight back" said Lisssson.
"Cool, I've got to write this first though, Andreargh said.." I told Lisssson, "did she?" asked Lisssson rhetorically.
"Yeah because she likes it, but she doesn't like me" I said with a bit of sadness underlining my sentences.
Lisssson tilted her head.."Still need to work on that self esteem of your's don't you Catheronite" no one understood.
Just because I was a cog in the works I was assumed to be the one with distorted thoughts. I continued to write down my work from the wall and Lisssson paced away to the canteen to join Andreargh.
"I've got to go out for a sandwich.." Lisssson was back..
"Oh yeah of course you haven't been home!" I said realising suddenly.
"No, so I'm going to go to Tesco Metro, would you like me to pick you up a can of Redbull?" asked Lisssson kindly.
"That would be great"..I smiled happily at Lisssson's suggestion.."Make sure it's definitely sugar free, light blue and says sugar free on the front, check, more than once. What about Andreargh?"..
"Innocence" he said, while his eyes fell away and slowly slid black irises to study the mist-laden woods around him.
"Losing your innocence, is like losing a limb."
The smile that appeared on his lips was neither cold nor warm - it was colourless.
"She crippled me"
"For that, I will cripple her.

Offline DannicaAngel

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Re: The Wrath of Svajcsik, by caffiene,
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2010, 08:50:40 PM »
"She's got five days worth of Holland and Barrat fuelled meals in her car for every possible eventuality.." Lisssson told me.
"She what?!" I exclaimed.."How on earth can someone like that be so organised!?" I was completely flummoxed.
"No fucking idea.." said Lisssson just as surprised at this as I was, she shrugged.."She has an interesting mind, anyway I'm going, see you later".
After being interrupted once again I settled down to carry on writing. For the next twenty minutes I fervidly scribbled away neatly and flamboyantly, the entire wall's worth of my work. When I was finished I rolled up my scroll and walked through to the canteen. Andreargh was reading a book about German Cabaret and eating a plain rice cake. On the table was a knife sticking out of a packet of Philadelphia, I could see Andreargh's disjointed trail of thought right there. I held out my hand. Andreargh handed me the rice cake.
"Are you not going to ask why I want it?" I asked.
"I'm reading Catheronite.. tell me something I don't know..or fuck off" I'd never heard her in quite such an unnecessarily bad mood. I sat down next to Andreargh and put the rice cake on a plate then spread a small amount of Philadelphia onto it.
"You've got serious problems" I told Andreargh in response to her attitude.
"Yeah well, I bet you didn't know that the Germans enjoyed Cabaret nervously even while the Nazi's reigned, what matters more, my knowledge or how my attitude effects little minions like you?" she was amazingly cranky this lunchtime.
"Obviously it's German Cabaret!" I remarked sarcastically enough for her not to notice I was being so and handed her the rice cake.
She continued to read and I watched her avidly.
"Lisssson's getting me a Redbull" I told Andreargh.
"oo Lisssson's getting me a Redbull" mimicked Andreargh turning a page.
"I'm not a minion" I mumbled.."What are you going to do about Grecko?" I asked as Andreargh had not been home and she lived two hours away in an olden day style town called Westthornton.
"Antoine has her..because you really needed to know" she wined.
I sloped off towards the hallway feeling rejected.
"Where are you going?" she asked after me.
"You don't seem like you want to be sociable.. or is that just me?" I mumbled.
"You can make the rest of my lunch if you want" she said as if this was a peace offering.
I chewed on the end of my sleeve and sloped back, dragging my feet, to the chair next to Andreargh and carried on with the rice cakes.."I was going to make my own lunch but my memory is all over the place at the moment"
"How's your sight?" I asked gesturing that perhaps even if her memory was askew, seeing what she'd started might prompt her to continue it.
"It's good, thanks" she answered.
The door creaked open and shut, I heard Lisssson was back from the centre of town. I quickly put down the knife, leapt up and ran to find her.
"Lisssson I.." I began excitedly.
"Slow down Catheronite, I've only just got in the door"..Lisssson answered, brushing snow from the coat.

Where are the Rest?
"I need to ask you something.." I couldn't wait, it had been in the back of my mind since not long after I got here.."Why,.." I panted.. "where is everyone else, the rest of the coven, the normalites? I haven't seen anyone else since I got here, not even the minions though I know one dropped by yesterday.." I spouted the words out fast and they tumbled enthusiastically towards Lisssson who looked like this was the last thing she wanted to be asked, especially now.
"I can't tell you that right now Catheronite, I will explain, but not now. I need to have something to eat and I've got work to do and.." Lisssson was stressed, it was hard to tell with Lisssson, but I didn't want her going over the edge again.."later okay"..
"Okay, it's fine I..don't worry about it" I tried to calm myself down in the process.
"I got you your Redbull" she said rummaging into the bag in her hand.
"Oh, thanks!" I said smiling, she handed it to me, I drove my hand deep into my pocket to give Lisssson some money for the can.
"How much.." she shook her head.."was it?"..I asked, looking up at her.
"Don't worry about it" she said in a lightly dismissive manner before she strode down the hallway. I jogged past her back into the canteen. Andreargh was very engrossed in her book, I sat back down next to her and made five more rice cakes for her lunch. I stacked them up neatly on the small plate; the first one cheese side up, the next one cheese side down and so on so that there was only ever cheese on the side it was meant to be on. I was used to this method from lunches at home, I always had either six oat cakes or four Ryvita and stacked them just like this.
I pushed the plate along the table towards Andreargh who, for once, looked away from her book after hearing the noise of the plate against the table.
"Thank you" she said, seeming genuinely appreciative. I smiled.
"That's okay, any time, did you have the other one?" I asked.
"I did" Andreargh answered.
"Good" I was pleased.
If Andreargh didn't eat her mood swings could get even worse. I stopped to wonder whether they actually had the potential. I cracked open my Redbull and it made the satisfying sound that cans do when they open. I felt like I could do with the energy. I was missing out on my normal dosage of caffeine, though I guess I could help myself to coffee when I wanted. I never did, because of nerves. The same nerves that were present when all the other normalites and coven dwellers were here, still resided in me when it was just Lisssson and Andreargh.
I drank my Redbull and gazed across the room. Andreargh carried on with her book in one hand and a rice cake in the other.
"Ahem" she sounded like she was trying to get my attention.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing" said Andreargh.
I think she was just being serious with her book. It was unnecessary, the front cover was enough to make me feel inadvertently inferior. I took the last swig of my drink and clunked it back down onto the table. I actually felt tired and leant my head on my hand while staring absent mindedly at the table. Suddenly I remembered the copying I had done earlier on and retrieved my scroll from my right hand pocket. It had gotten a bit crumpled so I flattened it out underneath the table on my lap. Andreargh looked at me as if wondering what I was up to and a little annoyed at my disturbing movements.
"I copied out my work from the wall" I told Andreargh.
"I'll look at it later Catheronite" answered Andreargh.."Just leave it there" she carried on, nodding towards a space on the table in front of her.
I placed it down on the table and Andreargh put her book down still open.
"You'll damage the spine doing that" I advised Andreargh.
"I'll damage your"..she laughed "no, that's going too far" she retorted.
I frowned at Andreargh, knowing I was right. Half the time, no, most of the time it didn't even seem like Andreargh really ever listened to what I said before looking for a way to berate it. Maybe I took her behaviour too personally.
"You haven't had any.." I was about to gently commend Andreargh on not having had any Gin today. But I didn't want to offend her at the same time. She broke me off half way through the sentence, seemingly having the same thing on her mind.
"I haven't any bloody Gin today, it's a wonder I haven't completely fallen to pieces" she projected as if to more than just myself, the county perhaps, or at least a large crowd of people would have received that sentence well the way it was said.
I thought to myself about how Andreargh had been reading. She had finished her lunch too.
"I think you've done really well" I said, smiling slightly.
I went on to remember what I woke up to. The long line of different shaped pills and her knocking them back one by one so fast that it suggested desperation to get them breaking down in her system. I didn't feel so pleased about the abstaining of alcohol anymore. There were at least ten tablets there when I got up and I don't know how many she had had beforehand.
Why didn't I do something at the time, I thought. I wanted to ask Andreargh why she took those tablets. I looked at her as she picked up my scroll, I don't think I can do it. Andreargh looked at what I had written out briefly before rolling it back together. It was three in the afternoon.
"I've got to go and ring Grecko, she'll have just gotten out of school" said Andreargh, seeming like a responsible parent all of a sudden.
What was she telling her, I wondered. Poor Grecko, she probably doesn't understand why Andreargh isn't there, whatever the explanation. Andreargh walked out the canteen and into the main room. I laid my head on the table, it wasn't comfortable. I had a long sleeved top on underneath my indoor jacket so I took my jacket off and rolled it up, put it on the table then climbed up onto the table so I could lie down properly. Just as I lay my head down and begun to relax, I was startled out of my mind by Lisssson who I didn't even know was on the ground floor.
"Feet off the table now!..Catheronite" she bellowed and hissed from the entrance to the canteen.
I swung my legs round with such momentum that the whole of me followed and I fell clumsily onto three chairs at once and then the floor.
"You wanted to talk about why no one else is here" started Lisssson as she sat down on a chair the other side of the table seemingly ignoring or not noticing the fact I had fallen on the floor and was clambering back onto a chair, again, in pain.
"Yes" I said, sighing as I brushed dust off of my indoor jacket.
Lisssson made imaginary shapes on the table that seemed to pertain to what she was saying yet made no real sense. She seemed serious anyway.."It's Buparius, they're not letting anyone in anymore, Alariun came round earlier by mistake. Well he's always a mistake to be honest, it was a mistake allowing him into the coven at all but what I mean is, he didn't get the message. The funds have run out. When Buparius eliminated us from the NHS for being a surplus service when they made their cut backs, Buparius took us on under the condition that they only funded 20% of the money to run Spades as we wanted to keep it as our own. We wanted to run it in exactly the same way, even take advantage of the fact we were no longer a part of the NHS and make it even more our own now that we didn't have to abide to some of their unnecessary and troublesome regulations. None of the coven felt able to ask the Normalites for cash to attend Spades as they were all aware of their financial situations. We didn't feel it was fair, so we pooled together any last spare money we had and opened a multimember bank account that we all have cards for and donated cash in whenever we could.
We are now paid as coven members by Qubannen, a charity that sees what we do and wants to sustain out ability to do so. Qubannen has lots of money as it is owned by a minority group of the government called the Bezwin Sector that aims to provide funds for the upkeep of centres geared towards helping the less fortunate achieve their potential.
This could become quite confusing. I'm going to go and kill some brain cells while you take that in." With that Lisssson took out another reefer from her breast pocket and quick stepped it out the room looking fairly pent up.
"Where did you get that?" I asked inquisitvely even though I really didn't have the right.
"I know dealers in Leertalon" she answered coolly.
"They happened to be at Tesco Metro" I probed cheekily.
"They happened to be at Tesco Metro" she hissed jauntily and fled up the stairway to Devon. Sitting at the table I decided I'd like to get a view from the roof again and skipped after Lisssson. I climbed onto the roof to join Lisssson.
"You're shapes look good" I smiled, referring to the origami Lisssson had mainly constructed through trauma the other morning.
"Yeah, they're not bad" she replied lighting the end of the reefer.
I drew in a breath. At times I felt like I was really missing out by not taking any illicit drugs myself. Lisssson relaxed as she worked her way through the reefer. It was quiet out, surprisingly. Still snowing though, the snow had been relentless since before I was forced here. I could hear the wind howling in stops and starts and..someone crying! It was Andreargh, I could tell her voice from the sobs. I stood up quickly and tried to run, failing I learnt that there was a shit load of ice underneath the snow so I slid unwittingly towards the window and made myself small so I would fall right into Lisssson's lair smoothly.
I pulled myself back up by grabbing the radiator. Lisssson remained on the roof, suitably stoned and making polite conversation with a nearby TV aerial. I flung open the door of the lair and climbed up the ladder to the second floor, the attic. Andreargh was sitting down with her knees up to her chest leaning against one of the dark beams with her head in her hands convulsing with tears. Her mobile phone was about two feet away from her. It looked as if it had been thrown.
I don't think she knew I was there. I crept over tentatively.
"Andreargh" I said carefully..she didn't hear me.."Andreargh?" I said again a little louder. She looked up, tears strewn down her face. I hated to see her like this, she looked crushed to pieces.
"What's happened!?" I said in a high pitched but soft voice.
"It's er, it's nothing" she said trying to hide evidence of her crying, she rubbed at her eyes. "Honestly, nothing's happened, I really need a drink though, can that be arranged, I really need a Gin, I..why are there so many questions!?" the pace of her talking quickened as she spoke and she sounded fretful, nervous, emotional and shaken up. She half laughed even though nothing was funny.."I really need a drink".
She got up from where she was sitting and tugged at her skirt which wasn't out of place in the first instance. I walked over cautiously and picked up her phone and handed it to her. I didn't move my hand away and looked into her eyes which looked so sad.
"I don't..ever want to see you this upset, again" I said, my heart was in pain seeing her like this, it was out of my control.
Why did I care, what was I feeling? We were caught in a moment, Andreargh just looked at me with an expression of vulnerability I had never seen in her before. I pushed a lock of hair away from her face and was urging to kiss her there and then as my fingers rested lightly on her temple, minutes seemed to pass and the attic felt like it was spinning around me. I snapped myself out of it. This wasn't fair, she was upset, I can't always do what I want to do and disregard the consequences. I pulled both my hands away sharply and looked away down at the floor feeling shameful. I couldn't stay, I couldn't finish what I'd started. This wasn't right, was it?
"If you want to talk about anything" I said to the floor.. "I'm here" I continued and I turned away and began making my way back to the ladder my feet causing a bang with every step on the hollow wooden floor. I was going to find Lisssson or try to fix my head, or something, I didn't know where I was going.
"Catheronite.." said Andreargh after me, she sounded so innocent and helpless.
"No" I answered not looking at her as I lowered my left foot onto the top rung of the ladder and clambered down fast as if fleeing something fearful. I was guilty. Guilty of what I'd wanted to do, what I'd left and what I failed to manage. All different things, I had failed and my heart hurt in a way I had never experienced before now. I looked up the ladder and then through Lisssson's lair door onto the roof and then back up to the attic and shed a tear of my own as I traipsed down the stairs to go and try to find some space. In all senses of the word.
I went back to the table tennis table and sat in the spot where I used to sit back in the day. I felt overwhelmed, guilty and confused, sad and yearning; a multitude of things. I scratched mindlessly at the table. Before I had time to consolidate some thoughts out of these feelings, Lisssson was back, to carry on our discussion about Buparius and the related organisations and why it was only us here now. I was stressed, everything was happening at once and I wasn't even sure I cared about the state of the rest of the coven and Spades anymore, even less the other normalites.
Lisssson pulled Andreargh's chair over from the small table by the wall, I looked down at my lap and stuck my bottom lip out and looked sad.
"So.." said Lisssson.."Qubannen will always be able to pay our wages because the Bezwin Sector has infinite standing as far as the Government is concerned. It would be considered highly unethical for the Government to get rid of the Bezwin Sector and there would be a huge uproar from the general public if something happened to it. It's not our wages we have to worry about."..I nodded to show I understood and was taking in what she was saying.
But I couldn't get the thought of Andreargh up in the attic alone, being upset out of my mind.
"The coven are covered but there is money coming from nowhere anymore to run Spades now. Everything from supplies for the IT room, printer cartridges, paper, the broadband bill to the electricity and water, utility bills. We're on our last month. Everything was paid for up to this month and now we're broke. I sent letters out to everyone, the normalites and coven members, telling them not to come in because we simply can't afford to run the place anymore. I wasn't so specific to be honest but I made sure no one would come in. Alariun leaves the post to his wife which in itself is sexist, obviously, but he also refuses to converse with her..most of the time which is why he turned up this morning. We were, well I, was expecting him.
Andreargh doesn't really understand the concept of the postal system full stop so has been here as much as me and you, well you were discharged at the time all this went down. Are you back with a psychiatrist now?" asked Lisssson after the long continuation of the explanation.
"Yeah, I er, yes I'm seeing a new one in a month, I'm back in the system as far as I know. Haven't got myself re-referred back to here yet but, oh. If Spades isn't a part of the NHS anymore then I don't suppose that is an issue. This whole thing is a bigger issue though, clearly." I told Lisssson.
"Right" said Lisssson agreeing with me. "Andreargh reeled you in because she rarely knows what day of the week it is, never mind the state of the hierarchy in the coven or further up" I was rattled.
"She's not that bad, you know. You've made generalisations and they are unnecessarily derogatory." I stood up for Andreargh.
"When did you.." Lisssson started back at me.
"I'd stick up in the same way for anyone" I answered before she asked.
"You're right, I shouldn't talk like this about Andreargh" admitted Lisssson.
"What are we going to do?" I asked Lisssson.
"I don't know, but you can't leave. Catheronite." she peered sharply into my eyes.
"Why?" I asked, really intrigued.
"You just can't, Catheronite. We need you.." I looked at Lisssson, surprised, she sensed my shock.."we really do" and she touched me on the hand before standing up from Andreargh's chair and sauntering out the room. Finishing the conversation just as smoothly as it had been started, or not as the case was.
It was half four in the afternoon. I wondered if I was allowed out at all and what I was needed for. Spades was a organisation for the mentally diverse. As in, diverse from the binary code that laces the uniform blueprint of most humans minds. I, however felt as if I was the normalite closest to that blueprint out of everyone that attended Spades. I remembered Andreargh and the state she was in and got up to go and see how she was. Firstly I went through to the canteen and made myself a coffee seeing as no one was around. I felt powerful and daring, I made Andreargh a tea too and put her bag over my shoulder in case she wanted Gin. It weighed my shoulder down. The kettle whistled to let me know it had boiled, I made the drinks. Maybe she'd want her book.
I picked up her book and not wanting to fold a corner in any of the pages, I tore off a spare part of scroll from what was curled round the left stick and put it between the pages Andreargh had read to then put it in her bag. I carried the mugs carefully and strode out the canteen and up the stairway to Devon. Lisssson was literally twiddling her thumbs at her desk and hissing as her tongue flicked in and out. Just, being a snake I guess.
"Can you hold these drinks while I climb up the ladder then pass them back?" I asked.
"Where's mine?" asked Lisssson not joking.
"I literally only have one pair of hands Lisssson, be realistic?" I protested with a twinge of guilt at my out and out favouritism.
"Why do you dote on Andreargh, Catheronite?" asked Lisssson, it was the bluntest and most forthright question I had dealt with in a long time.

"I don't dote" I laughed unbelievably.. "I don't..d-" I laughed uncontrollably because I knew it was true and I'd been found out because I was being too obvious but I couldn't help it. I made serious my facial expression and fell into a dead pan look as I faced Lisssson, "I don't dote".
I began to climb up the ladder with Andreargh's bag then I turned round awkwardly.."Just one"..I hadn't thought through needing a hand to steady myself on the ladder.. "Just one mug at first then I'll come back for the other"..
"Okay, here you go" hissed Lisssson.
"Thanks" I peaked my head into the attic. Andreargh was in pretty much the same position as before, her head in just one hand this time. She was asleep. I set her tea down on the floor at my eye level.
"And the other.." I spoke down to Lisssson who was still standing on the landing with my coffee. She handed it up to me..
"There you go" she said.
"Thanks..I'll be back later" I said without thinking.
"Later?" questioned Lisssson.
"It doesn't matter" I said, aware that I was trying to claim fixed amounts of time with Andreargh and that we shouldn't be interrupted.
I climbed off the ladder and into the attic then carried our drinks over to where Andreargh was. Panicked I had just seen what Andreargh was holding with her other hand. She had a tablet bottle, some were on the floor. I took the bottle out her hand and looked at the label ‘Vicodin 750mg tablets. Take one three times a day when necessary' I looked into the bottle, it was empty. Andreargh was definitely still breathing.
I sat next to her wondering how much she had taken, it was clearly a lot because she had passed out before putting the cap back on which was on the floor next to her. I looked at her asleep, she seemed fine, resting. I knew she didn't like hospitals so I didn't rush to phone 999. I shuffled up against the wall and sat cross legged next to Andreargh not knowing what to do. I was worried about her. Things had gone from unpredictable and chaotic to downright tragic in a short space of time, I wanted to know what was going on so I could maybe try and help, but it wasn't my place and I don't think Andreargh wanted it to be.
I looked tentatively at Andreargh and gently put my arm round her, she stirred slightly but didn't wake up. She was freezing. I took my indoor jacket from around my waist and draped it across her shoulders then put my arm back on top. I just sat there, nervous and wondering, worried.
I was tired too, really tired by now even though it was only nearing six in the evening. Maybe I needed something to eat, it had been a while but I didn‘t care right now. I felt Andreargh moving against my side as she breathed deeply in her sleep. It was rhythmic and calming and..I gazed at her peaceful expression. She really was beautiful.
She stirred again, more this time and opened one of her eyes. I froze petrified about what her reaction was going to be, my eyes darting from side to side. She opened both her eyes and seemed totally and utterly bewildered as she woke from her sleep.
"Where,..what?..Catheron-..the attic?!" she was clearly highly confused..
"It's me, it's just, it's Catheronite yes" I tried to make some sense.
"Why are you holding me!?" she yelped in a really high pitched voice.
"Holding?!" I squealed back having not considered my current position in this way, then I looked at my arm which felt like it was detached from my body all of a sudden. How would I ever do such a thing.."I have noooo idea what I'm doing" I threw out lies, looking at my arm like it had chosen to embrace Andreargh of it's own accord.
"You could move!?" she was actually squarking.
What the fuck was I doing?.. or thinking for that matter.
"Moooving my arm away" I said as I did, in a way which would of been funny if the rest of the situation wasn't incredibly crazy and uncomfortable.
I was so embarrassed that I had forgotten that I'd found Andreargh having taken a suspected over dose. I saw the bottle again and was reminded.
"How many did you take?" I asked.
"I don't think you're in the position.." she paused and took a deep and dramatic breath in.. "to be asking accusatory questions Catheronite!" she was yelling quite loudly now.
I did something which was out of character and brave. Something I knew was a complete contradiction to the awkward angriness and confusion of the room, the attic. But I knew it would work. Andreargh was now standing up and bellowing at me as I was still hunched up by the tall beam we had been leaning against.
I got up and walked towards Andreargh and did hold her, embraced, hugged; whatever you wanted to call it.
"What is the matter with you?" I said, in a caring and softly accentuated manner as I began stroking her hair.
"I just I..I can't..!" she was hysterically upset, I held her tighter.."I just can't do this anymore" and she broke down into powerful sobs and buried her head into my shoulder as she shook.
I continued to stroke her hair and held her tightly then I kissed her gently on the cheek as tears rolled from her eyes. I didn't really know what I was doing, none of this was thought through. I had been led by my gut feelings ever since I climbed into the attic. I still wanted to help.
"Has something gone wrong with Antoine?" I asked.
I didn't know where to begin but I also didn't want her to keep it to herself anymore. Tactile as ever I asked the most apt question possible given I had just kissed Andreargh on the cheek. I had been in these situations before.
"Nothing ever went right with Antoine" she answered in a grim tone.
I smiled, then I felt bad for smiling but I couldn't help feeling glad.
"Do you want to talk about any of this or.." as I leant back from her slightly looking at her closed eyes, I was very aware of how turned on I was becoming by having Andreargh this close to me.
I either had to move or..make a move, my breathing sped up and my feelings were chaotic as the situation was, from my perspective at least. I moved closer to her again and dropped my head and rested it on her shoulder, then I gripped her waist with my hands and was about to begin kissing her neck when something snapped in my head, again. I released my grip and marched to the other side of the attic.
"I can't do this!" I exclaimed sounding like an exert from some repetitive serial drama on TV.."I can't..I" I threw my arm into the air and swiped a slash into the atmosphere with one huge dismissive gesticulation at life and a few tears of frustration streamed from my eyes unexpectedly.. "This is stupid!"
"This is far from stupid, Catheronite" said Andreargh from a few paces behind me.
I turned round and said it, I said it before I even really knew it myself, I was spouting news, right from my heart that my head hadn't had a chance to even process, to consider.."I fucking love you Andreargh", and all of a sudden, the world seemed to kick into slow motion, I think it stopped at one point. I had made this about me which was totally unfair. Andreargh was troubled. Did I really care that much if I couldn't control my own feelings when her's were more important. Days seem to pass before she responded.
She took a sharp intake of breath and looked as if she might cry again, then she just looked vacant. I wondered what she was thinking, it seemed like nothing. I was a bit offended really, then without warning she fainted in front of my eyes. Totally collapsed and hit the floor, it wasn‘t very convenient. This had obviously all been too much, it all felt like too much.
"No!" I exclaimed annoyed into the air aerated with little voice behind my word and mostly just mouthing it.
I paced over and knelt down and tapped Andreargh on the shoulder. I wondered if this was appropriate, she was unconscious not asleep, this time. I held her shoulder and shook it a bit, I didn't want to hurt her. She looked dead it was quite scary.
"Andreargh" I said..I shook her shoulder.."Andreargh" I sounded forced and nervous as my voice wavered.
I felt like I was about to burst into tears. I didn't like seeing people unwell, not people that mattered. Then I really shook her because I actually did think she was dead. She came round and I think I nearly broke her neck.
"Hi" I said as she coughed a bit and adjusted her focus on the room and me.
"That really hurt" she said pushing at the spinal part of her neck.
"I'm sorry, I was worried" I said meekly and touched her forehead, I couldn't really stop looking at her, she began to sit up.. "Lie down" I said, spur of the moment. I laid down next to her, I didn't want to talk anymore. She lay her head back on the floor and I looked across to my indoor jacket then stretched across to get it.. "Put your head on this so it doesn't hurt" I said and flattened it out and made sure no buttons or zip were near her head so they wouldn't scratch when she lay it back down. I moved right over next to her as she looked up at the underside of the roof then closed her eyes, it seemed as if she wanted to escape too. She seemed relaxed, I was glad. I was glad she could be relaxed with me.
I turned towards her and put my arm across her. My hand gripped slightly on the side of her waist.
I lifted my head and chest off the ground slowly and leant over to kiss her firmly, on the lips. She begun kissing me back, I wasn't expecting it. We kissed roughly and passionately for the next five minutes. Before I knew it I was on top of her my hands gripped her waist as I slid my right hand along the side of her stomach, I fondled her breast and kissed her on the neck then whispered into her ear frantically.. "I really want to make love to you, right now, you turn me on so much, you always have, there's nothing I've wanted more than this, since.. forever".. Andreargh made delighted sounds and I tore open her corset so I could touch her breasts properly. I took my top off and it got stuck on my head temporarily in my desperation, I thought I was going to die of shame but then after a pure fight with the garment, I managed to pull it off.
I traced a line between her breasts then lay back down on top of her and pushed my hand behind her skirt.. "You're so fucking sexy" I said running my hand along the inside of her thigh..
Then I came. I could've died. My whole body shuddered as I pushed it against her then went limp, she was too much for me. Too much the first time round anyway. She was divine.
"Are you okay?" asked Andreargh.
I had gone still, I suppose I should have been glad she noticed.
"I'm fine".. I held her close and kissed her again on the cheek.. "you're beautiful"..she held me as well "you really are" and I nuzzled my head into her shoulder.
"Oh!" she said, clicking at what had happened.. "you didn't.." she looked at me.. I looked back as if begging her not to say it.. "already!?, wow that's a record".. I frowned.
"Yes" I said raising my voice.. "for the benefit of the tape, I did.. already.. I can't help it".. I giggled and moved to lie next to her with a couple of limbs still sprawled across her to state my claim.. "I'm surprised I haven't come already just looking at you".
"Stop it" she said giggling.
"It's true.." I said playfully licking the part of her neck nearest her collar bone, I opened my jaw wide and rested my teeth on her neck pretending I was about to bite then I traced my finger across her breasts and stomach..
"This is crazy" announced Andreargh trying to make head or tail of what had actually gone on in the last hour.
I wasn't really paying attention as I kissed her breasts.. "This is.." I carried on kissing down her stomach while firmly gripping her waist.. "you are actual sex".. I said, looking at my new found possession. She arched her back. I pulled her skirt from around her waist down past her hips. She was wearing suspenders, my heart skipped a beat.
Suddenly I heard Lisssson's door close.. "Holy fucking shit!" I shouted in the sheerest panic I had felt for literal years.
"Get dressed" said Andreargh as I picked up my top which was strewn across the other side of the attic.
"Really!?" I chirpily piped up sarcastically and laughed, I laughed a hopeless laugh wishing to God that Lisssson didn't come up to check on us.
Andreargh was doing up her corset, I was dressed, "You've broken half the links"..I walked over.
"Poor darling" I said snaking my hands around her waist from behind then pulling her cape round.. "hide it with your cape", I smiled and kissed her on the cheek and then the lips, we kissed properly.
"Andreargh!" shouted Lisssson.
"Yes!" shouted Andreargh jumping startled..I carried on kissing her.
"Is Catheronite up there with you?!".. I was still kissing her..
"Stop it" she protested and I giggled as she tried to wriggle out of my grip.
"Yes, yes she is" she replied quieter towards the end of the sentence.
"It's half six, I was thinking we should have something to eat soon" said Lisssson raising her voice from the landing into the attic.
Meanwhile I had turned Andreargh round and pulled her hard against me. "Hmmm" I said running my fingers under the edge of her corset and across her back.
I bit playfully at her neck.. "Yeah, sure.." I kissed her neck roughly as she moaned quietly.. "we'll be down in a minute"..she answered.
"Okay" said Lisssson a little suspiciously and she hurtled down the stairs.
"That was a bit difficult.." said Andreargh sounding sarcastic at the understatement.
I walked forwards and left Andreargh with no option but to walk backwards so she didn't fall over. When we got to the wall I picked her up and wrapped her legs around me as she leant back on the wall I pressed against her pelvis with mine.
"We haven't got time.." said Andreargh dreamily, I held her in place and ran my hand firmly over her breasts and stomach pretending I was about to undress her again then I stopped and lifted her off me and back onto the floor.
"That's a real shame" I remarked coyly turning round to walk over to the ladder while Andreargh rearranged herself so as to not look like she was half way through sex at the dinner table.
Andreargh followed me and when we both had got to the landing she asked me.."Why did you go like that?" referring to my sudden iciness.
"Like what?" I replied so unemotionally, it was like we'd never met.
"Nothing" she said, seeming hurt and rejected.
I two-stepped down the stairs to go and find Lisssson who was sitting in the canteen.."I really didn't want to have to ask this, Catheronite, but have you got any money?" asked Lisssson seeming ashamed of doing so as soon as I appeared in the doorway.
"Always!" I replied brightly.
"Okay.. do you think you'd be able to go out and retrieve a sandwich for me?, we're completely out of funds and I won't be paid till tomorrow, when I will definitely pay you back" explained Lisssson.
"Sure thing.." I answered.. "Can I not get you something a bit more.. decent?, seeing as it's dinner.." I suggested to Lisssson.
"I don't want you to be out of pocket Catheronite" said Lisssson concerned.
"I'll be fine don't worry about it!" I replied smiling widely.
"Okay well, yeah that would be really nice." said Lisssson appreciatively.
"That's settled then" I said.. "Oh, I left my jacket up in the attic" I remembered suddenly.
I traipsed back to get it and didn't make eye contact with Andreargh as I passed her quickly in the corridor like she wasn't there. I sped up to get my jacket then fled out the door after shouting "I'm going now, back soon" to Lisssson.
My head felt mashed, what just happened!? I felt wrong. I jogged to the kebab shop down the road and bounded through the door. What did I want, I hadn't even considered if I wanted to eat at all, I decided I'd just get a small portion of chips so I had something there whether I was hungry or not.
"One doner kebab with all salad please, three small portions of chips and erm.." I thought I should get something for Andreargh, it wouldn't be fair to leave her out just because of what had happened. An appetite prevails whatever the atmosphere.."a chicken kebab, with all salad" The man behind the counter tapped at the buttons on the till.
"Eleven pounds ninety six please" I pulled out a five pound note from my pocket then counted out the change I needed with it.
"There you go" I handed it to him, the exact change, I was impressed with myself.
"Do you want sauce?"..there were too many questions, I needed time to think, to get my head straight.
"Yes" I snapped feeling interrupted and irritated.
"Which one?" he asked.
"Chilli" I said quickly remembering a chat I had earlier in the month with Andreargh.."Err Chilli on the chicken kebab and burger sauce on one of the chips, salt and vinegar on all the chips and leave the doner kebab without sauce".. I reeled it all off, it didn't take much thought really. I was on autopilot.
I looked out the window onto the pedestrian area between here and the shops on the other side. A few young women clip clopped along with their heels and handbags. They looked like harlots. I turned back round to watch our dinner being made. I blocked out what had just happened, I'd deal with it later. Another time. The two men behind the counter talked in a foreign language to each other, they sounded aggressive. It reminded me of something bad that had happened in my past.
I sat down on the bench by the wall and looked out the window trying to forget about what I'd just remembered. I thought about home and mum and how I didn't care if I ever saw her again. I felt really alone, I had lived here for over a year and I still felt like a newcomer, an outsider.
"Three small chips, doner and chicken kebab" said one of the men behind the counter.
I walked over to collect our dinner and walked towards the door to walk back out into the night, I knew how I would take my mind off things. It was cold out. I tied up the handles of the bag through habit and went for a jog along the main road away from the town centre and past the end of Collincastle Road for a few hundred yards then turned round and ran back down the same road and turned right at Collincastle Road to go back to Spades.
I knocked six times in quick succession.















"Innocence" he said, while his eyes fell away and slowly slid black irises to study the mist-laden woods around him.
"Losing your innocence, is like losing a limb."
The smile that appeared on his lips was neither cold nor warm - it was colourless.
"She crippled me"
"For that, I will cripple her.