Author Topic: The clairvoyant, by violetsky,  (Read 1182 times)

Offline DannicaAngel

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The clairvoyant, by violetsky,
« on: April 23, 2010, 09:01:25 PM »
Intro: Welcome to the dark side of the mind... Here we will find that another world, although considered as fictious, can be more real and more dangerous than reality...

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                                                                             THE CLAIRVOYANT

 

 

    "Infinite dreams - I can not deny them
     Infinity is hard to comprehend
     I could not hear those screams
     Even in my wildest dreams. "  (1)

 

    To truly understand, we must stand up far above our limits, we must elevate to the cold and inaccessible peaks to which only eagles soar, exceeding in a single flight, magnificent, all the lands of earth. To know who we are, we must become esoteric. Only where such a spirit cries like those of maya or the lost world of Atlantis, far, very far from the pleasures and also the captivity of the body, we can make a true self-knowledge and sense (nota bene - not to enter the total) the major directions of humanity.
    To give a real chance to our poor souls, trapped in a heap of pride, of ignorance and weakness, we must see in the future as clear as in the past or present. Let us be our own magic.
     Otherwise, at what we will use all this fiction? To not decipher, really, who we are neither in the moments when we gave life, nor when we confront death or when we believe (for a moment) that we met God? How many of suicidal would be put into practice their desperate gesture if they haved the real dimension of human existence, of the imposing appearance under which we live our lives, hopes, illusions?
    Maybe we should defy the infinite - the only one that hides the key, the big secret. Maybe we should have the courage to believe that our virtual ego is actually the real - and not vice versa.

 

                                                          *


    Going by bus, in the daily journey to the center of a flat, dusty, dirty city. Whose vices, corruption and despair existential crowd and cried to the heaven, as the Bible says. Autumn sun that is reflected in the dusky windows have a little strange, but it makes me feel like on vacation, like I would have pointed to a beach or a small mountain hamlet.
    A passenger who was standing somewhere at my right taked my breath away. It was almost a superhuman beauty, with perfect features, large eyes, light, blue, fine crystal skin - all suggesting the appearance of a Russian princess, coming from somewhere in the past directly into the vehicle in which we stand.
    In fact, it was a schoolgirl or a student who was listen music to her iPod - but I can know who she was really? If in a previous life was not in fact a czarina? Can I know if I'll ever meet she again, if our hearts will ever cut?
    There was not a feeling of love or anything like that - but just as fascinating. Respect of a intuited aristocracy.
    I look down, helpless, to the seats in front of me. I need to know - otherwise I will never be myself. For how long I will torture myself, for how much time I will live in ignorance? When I will learn what gonna think, really, the girl from high school, for which I maded, at that time, a true passion, on the bed of death? If in her passage to the world of truth she will remember me? When I will be able to define my own passage?
    Never, apparently. I'll stay just with the dusty city, ravaged by passions and misery. With infantile promises for a better future. With the iced certainty that anytime we can crucify again Crist.
    The bus made a sudden brake, shaking me violently.

                                                                                    *


    "I came, I saw, I conquered" - tells a very old saying. Reported, imaginary, of course, to the cognitive adventure of the modern human, it appears to us more than 99% false. We came here - on this Earth. The only item that matches somewhat, as real, although we do not know why we came, as we came and maybe even where we came from. We saw - here is the big trick, the masterpiece of illusionism. Nothing of what we see is not real, nothing is what it seems. As it seems absurd, the traps of the dream, subconscious depths, the crystal globes of the clairvoyants - all contain more truth than what we see. Think about what a banal dog sees at the TV screen. What is his truth of that moment. And so we, though endowed with reason, capable of analysis, with conscience, we can not be sure even to saw the image of truth when we look in the mirror.
    Our destiny is marked by a farce too large to be held in accordance with the vision for the absolute truth, with universal clock. 
    Only when we are caught in the turmoil of magic of love, when we sink into a deep sleep or when we look at the magic globe - then just hit a bit of reality. And we persevere, until the death, in the error to maintain exactly the opposite, to think ourselves were in the mirror. See "The air I breathe" and you'll understand.
    How about "we won", disprove of this statement is just a natural continuation of those previously analyzed. No one who saw the truth can not be absolutely sure that he won - because it is dominated by feelings. By weakness. By fears.
    I can say that they have won very few. They are those whose conscience, whose spirit, although in human coat, are so far from human experience that are almost foreign, who are high (remember) where eagles are breathing cold and pure air of the immutable of divine, those who are living in equal measure, at present, past and future. Ie - saints, martyrs and monks. And the few great gurus arriving on Earth in a so fleeting passage that almost will does not remind.
    But we, those destined to eternal illusions, lacerations of words, chair passions, what do we do to get time off? To appreciate the truth?
    We are trivial, ephemeral, often false - but we have no basic right to know? What to oppose (outside biblical teachings, magnificent and eternal, but little understood) to vanity, suffering, passion, suicide thoughts, shades of destiny? An image that we believe to be real? For here is the ultimate farce of history - Hitler, Stalin or Napoleon brought death, atrocities around them guiding themselves after what they believed to be true, although it was nothing else but a shocking and translucent image of Satan.
   How to kill forever tyranny of us if we are indeed in possession of a relative truth - and not even a truth we do not know if it is?
    I must know, my little Russian princess, it is time to break the curse of time and nothingness ... You will see that was worth the sacrifice, even if we will rejoin only when we have gone BEYOND ...


                                                                 *


    "Suffocation waking in a sweat
     Scared to fall asleep again
     Chasing someone, I can not move
     Standing rigid a nightmare's statue
     What a dream - when will it end
     And will I transcend? ". (1)

I played everything on one card. I learned the tricks of occultism, of magic, the image of the Tarot cards became to me more familiar than the route I through every day by bus. Dali - many considered him crazy; Eminescu - many deplored him for the dramatic disease of a darksome mind - but we can know how deep clear it was the Spanish painter, what absolute spheres met Eminescu even in its moments of mistake? You'll see at the end, when the curtain will fall over an unfair and absurd world, where pleasure temples will also be destroyed like Sodom, when - finally - we'll see the true faces, then you'll see just who was really clear, I thought, and an uncurbed scream came over me, last unchaining before the unbearable torture to deduct ultimate meaning.
     I had a strange dream, surreal, clear. I was in a land covered by snow, full of frozen lakes and wonderful scenery. The sun was reflected in the pieces of ice, paradisiaca, weird. Polar bears and Penguins complete the landscape which stretched boundless, in total silence. Nothing, no noise, no trace of civilization, a place where no human step could disintegrate the spell. Just more white, more ... fully ...
     I stretched in the snow and I closed my eyes.
     I swim, improbable, between hours, centuries, millennia ... Silence was born again, I am no longer what I am... I stand, I whispered, I died ...
     So now I just saw ... remains only to win. I saw that I merge with the infinite, because all this time nothing left of my original ego ... Because I believe in silence.
     Crushed, wander back in the threadbare bus looking for the aristocrat who was living in Russia, hunger for the certainty of her blue eyes, while listening to "Dreamland" ...
     For the moment of truth we embodied both, although I do not know why our time do not coincide ...
     No. I will look in the future. I must understand the story from the end, strange quirk, but the only able to solve this mystery.
     I controlled strange experiments, I duplicated paroxysmal, I tried to include in the mind unbelievable things . The only thing that seemed to me somewhat discomfit all efforts was the plunge in the daily, the fear of banal.
     Everything went almost perfectly. But in one night, deep in conjurations, I saw myself in a previous life ... I was dressed as a primitive man, an Eskimo... It was the world about I dreamed before, but this time populated, threatened by a primitive civilization. I saw me raising an old tool and taking the life of someone. The blood redded the snow, running in waves.
     I cried as hard as I could facing the horror of this vision (which I know now that was ever true), even risking my life, because in that state I had to remain fully focused.
     A white cloud appeared in front of my eyes, but it was too late. The clairvoyant from me escaped the experiment under control.
     Like in a small diorama, I began to see the future. Running on a motorway, covering my face with my hands. I shouted something, but I was unable to explain why. Then a black Mercedes hit me in full, leaving me sluggish on the road.
     I turned on all the lights in the room, breathing spasmodically.
     I just have seen my own death scene.


                                                                         *

     "It can not all be coincidence
      Too many things are evident.
      You tell me you're an unbeliever,
      Spiritualist? (...)
      But would you like to know the truth
      Of what's out there to have the proof
      And find out just which side you're on
      Where would you end - in heaven or in hell? (1)

  You want to know. And once you have acquired this redoutable weapon of knowledge, you will have the power to know what to do with it? You will have the strength to look into the eyes of thousands destinies, esoteric history of the moments you thought infallible?
    You will submerge yourself in heaven or in hell? You will create, in turn, angels or monsters?
    That reminds me of something else ... What the Bible says that they have tasted the first people, Adam and Eve? The tree of knowledge of good and evil. It concludes that there it was already evil ... (great war was in heaven). But we opened the Pandora box, we entered into the equation of evil a mankind which is far from being the only civilization in an infinity of galaxies.
    Well, looks like exactly what I did now.
    Still traumatized by the recent hallucinations, however, I had the certainty that they are terribly real, I started further ahead on the way choosen. I tried not to see me as a dark killer, to remove the image of nightmare that brought blood into the snow Country. I started to walk only by subway, haunted by the idea that I will be hit by a car brand Mercedes.
    In vain. Fear not left me, it entered deep into the soul. By night I haved terrible nightmares, whose effects could not alleviate even in church.
    Sometimes, trying to make a joke, but I laughted forced, artificial.
    And it was only the beginning.
    Lost among the pieces of flair and crystal globes, floating ghostly, between dream and reality, absorbed by a maze too poisoned to find even a hypothetical issue, I received the coup de grace while trying to project the future, hallucinating in my small room.
    It was night, late, and could not sleep. I thought with intensity at the young girl with perfect features, who looked like a princess, without invoking any vision. I wanted, only, passionately, to feel her presence.
    But the vision came, even without my wish. The girl was dressed a little differently, and have a few years more. Her features were, however, unchanged.
    Moving down of what I have deduced that it was her private car, she was assaulted by a gang of neighborhood. She tried to defend itself, but was sent down with great brutality. The young hooligans broked her clothes in pieces, and then raped her. I tried to stop the vision, terrified, but it was impossible. She sketched a gesture to the mobile phone, but everything was in vain. Then one of them pulled out a knife.
    Over several minutes, the little princess lied in a puddle of blood, inert, disfigured and in derision.
    No!!, I cry, can not be true! What you've done ... what you've done to her... No, not really ... I want to wake up ...
    Not her, not me ... This is not real, leave me alone ...
    I used all paranormal energy to pause viewing the torture further, but I have done nothing else than a true disaster.
    My thoughts ran away for a moment at my girlfriend in high school, from which I don't haved any sign and almost knew that we will never meet again. I saw it in an obscure room, in the moment I wanted to know whether she will remember me. When preceding death.
    She lived in indescribable misery, in a cesspool. White hair, because of old age, she was pale and his clothes were torn in half. She eat incessantly and throwing debris on the floor. When she raised her eyes to the lamp, trying to chase a butterfly, I understood the nature of his suffering - she was living alone, for long time probably, battling with monsters created by the Allzheimer disease.
    A neighbor arrived at the door with an apple on a plate. She, however, interpreted this gesture as an attack, as a violation of privacy and, after an inhuman roar, was thrown out the window.
    No! I yell again, I should stop everything, to end this before it is too late. I must have courage, there is just a dream, who knows, or is a hallucination, I accidentally swallowed the wrong medicine, I will wake up tomorrow as usual, I will breathe deep and I will know that nothing happened, how to be true, however ...
    I easily cut myself with a blade. If it is a dream, I will realize immediately.
    Blood started to run, easy. I see how drops are leaking in the snow ... ... I was dressed poor, like a primitive man, like an Eskimo ... ... Blood for blood... Down, an ambulance lift the lifeless body of an old woman who falled down eight floors ...

 

                                                                     *

    "Help me, help me to find my truth,
    Self, without seeing the future.
    Save me, save me from myself
    Even within my dreams. "  (1)

 

    No, I do not need to know. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I gotta get back into the reality with which we were accustomed to, to dream at the realm celeste of eagles as already made, without looking, without means, without the visions I have ...
    To let God find the road to salvation of a lost whole mankind, to revive memories that are crystalline ... It was my mistake, I plunged directly into the inextricable depths of Hell ...
    Nothing. Silence. Spotless white. Dream. Real.
    I destroyed everything, the entire secret arsenal that I disposed, though to convince me that I became another, that I can delete the scenes of nightmare.
    But they never have been removed. I wake up in the middle of the night, terrified. Then, shaking in the morning, I was afraid to leave home, in the evening it seemed to me that I hear voices. The image of the bus girl lying dead deflect on me like a curse, like a demonic hallucination. So beautiful, so sublime, so nonspecific... what was her secret?
    Running between life and death ... spotless white... the blood ...
    I must delete everything ... Otherwise I will end atrocious, although I get my wish to end, supreme irony ...
    I tried to sleep following a little treatment, I wanted to relax watching albums of paintings and listening to hippie music. Almost no longer leaved the house.
    Later, I decided to try to find my peace in the middle of nature, after having a terrifying dream again. I chose a small, green place near Bucharest.
    I made an impromptu picnic, and then I stretched on the grass to watch the sun and listen to the song of little birds. Quiet ... I need quiet to watch ...
   I went to a little roadside to watch the infinite extent of nature. In an instantaneous flash, I saw a car parked nearby ... God! No way! It's her car - the one I knew from the bus, and also from the vision. It's near here ... ... and she has, therefore, the auto, but still got to fall victim to the group ... What can I do it? How to save it?
    I returned to my little shelter and I closed my eyes. I maded a small concentration, although I sweared not to repeat it. I gotta get back in the past, this time...
    I was in Russia in the last century ... the czarina slipped unnoticed in the middle of a party and got into his own room ... It was she, I undoubtedly recognized her perfect features, the delicate nose, the eyes of cardboard blue... I love you, I mumble, I said at the beginning that can not be love, that is just gentle respect, but I was wrong ... I love you truly, purely, honestly, eternal. I have to save you. Let me know your secret.
    I'll fix it, then I will be happy with my girlfriend ... My magic love with noble blood ...
    In the glass of wine left on the table I saw how she put a white powder ... Poison. God, what are she going to do? Then, in a few minutes, arrives the czar, hitted by a migraine. A kiss on the lips, passionately, to encouraging them to drink the poisoned liqueur. He falls to the ground in convulsions, then collapses.
    A Machiavellian grin appears on her face. It happened just a new murder for taking the power.
    I see, in the last cut, the face of the victim, and I lose, permanently, my mind. It was me, without any shadow of a doubt!
   No, no. It's awful. No, someone is cheating me. Can not be this scenario - it is inhuman.
    NOOOO!! I shout and I ran away. I do not want anymore to have this cursed gift!!! No more, you understand?!!! Let everything be as before. To be free to sleep, to breathe, to go by the dusty bus. Free to love a girl who looks like an aristocrat and listen to iPod, to search for God according to the Bible, and not after my crazy hallucinations, free to find my happiness in the churchyard sanctuary where no man walked ...
    I covered my eyes with my hands, like to be assured that I will not overshadow any other vision. I want to be FREEEE! I cried. I love you, I sent for the last time, to the mistery girl.
    I reached, without even realize, in the middle of the road. A black Mercedes came towards me with all the power, without having time to brake. But I already don't saw it...

 

 

    "There's got to be just more to it than this
     Or tell me why do we exist
     I'd like to think that when I die
     I'd get a chance some other time
     And to return and live again
     Reincarnate and play the game
     Again and again and again ... ". (1)


(1) Lyrics from the song Infinite Dreams
    NOTE. All lyrics belong to the rock band Iron Maiden, the song "Infinite Dreams" - which fascinated me since adolescence. The title of the short story is also inspired by another piece of the same band, from the same album.

 
"Innocence" he said, while his eyes fell away and slowly slid black irises to study the mist-laden woods around him.
"Losing your innocence, is like losing a limb."
The smile that appeared on his lips was neither cold nor warm - it was colourless.
"She crippled me"
"For that, I will cripple her.