Gender reassignment in progress.

[Trill]

I just got back from an interstate trip to the endocrinologist; I got an interstate referral so I could beat the horrendous waiting lists in my state and also stay with my relatives. My family and friends all know of my situation and are behind me 100%. For those of you on this forum who didn't know, I was born male, but am currently undergoing gender reassignment to fix the horror-inducing discrepancy between the gender of my brain and the gender of my body.

Thanks to my wonderful endo, I am now in the trial phase of hormone replacement therapy: 1 month on 1mg of synthetic estrogen to see if my body can tolerate it, then I have a Skype call with the doctor to see where we go from there. I took my first E pill yesterday and just took the second a few minutes ago. People have already noticed that I seem more chill, though that's mostly just a psychological thing; I'm comforted by the fact that things are finally being set in motion.

Yes, I will happily role play as female with you if you want. Yes, I will show you my boobs once they've grown. Yes, I will show you my snatch as soon as I recover from the surgery (though that won't happen for some time, gender reassignment is a lengthy process and surgery is expensive). Yes, I have chosen a female name, but I am keeping it a secret from everyone until the time comes to start using it.

[armoured]

Well good for you!

One of my family members went through this (F->M) and although it was a little hard for me to believe they were serious at first, I eventually understood the situation. Eventually I believe everyone will get on board.

[Natalija]

Holy fuck. I'm gone for a few months and this is vhat hapens?! LOL

Trying to vrap my mind around vhat you'd look like as a 120 kilo heavy tranny, and failing. Not a image I need in my head XD . Seriusly tho, not the kind of thing I'd expekt from you Trill, you striked me as the last person who wuld feel un-comfy as a male, given ur RP tastes.

[Trill]

Holy fuck. I'm gone for a few months and this is vhat hapens?! LOL

Trying to vrap my mind around vhat you'd look like as a 120 kilo heavy tranny, and failing. Not a image I need in my head XD . Seriusly tho, not the kind of thing I'd expekt from you Trill, you striked me as the last person who wuld feel un-comfy as a male, given ur RP tastes.

1) Please refrain from using the word 'tranny'.
2) I'm sure I already told you about all this in SV chat, maybe you just forgot?
3) I've been steadily losing weight since we last spoke, so I can eventually fit into all the pretty dresses.
4) Here's my transition timeline showing the last 120 days of the process: https://imgur.com/a/IkyLx

[Natalija]

No, I dont remember u teling me about THIS .I culd have forgot, I do have memory problems, but I doubt I'd forget something like that. So vhat bringed this on, aniway?

[Trill]

This whole thing has been 25 years in the making. Seeing a friend go through the same process made me realize I just couldn't keep pretending to be okay any more, and I went to my doctor and explained my woes to her and she took it from there. I had a psych evaluation done, took a trip interstate to see an endocrinologist, and four months later, I'm better than I've ever been mentally and on my way to becoming the person I was really meant to be.

[Natalija]

Wel, I can definitly see the hormonal-terapy efekts. Your a bit more... how to put it... politely squeaky-clean... then I remember. More subdued. More... low-key. I just hope it dont transfer in-to your RP tastes! I liked the old "lets get wild in RPs" Trill!

Vhile I'm not a partikular fan of tra-- "gender re-asigned" people, I respekt ur choise, and I'm happy for you if you feel beter in your skin. Shame about losing ur cock tho. As I recall, you once told me you had a big one!

[Trill]

Here's a photo taken today, 139 days on hormone therapy. I bought a new hairbrush a few days ago so now my hair is all pretty. It's also naturally wavy!

[Natalija]

Yea, the hair I like. Definitive improvement. The rest of the face... I have to say I liked the old Trill more.

[Trill]

Unfortunately the old Trill is never coming back, and you're going to have to accept that. He might have been fun to play with, but deep down he was a desperately unhappy man who was never really comfortable in his own skin. I have suffered for the last quarter century the mental anguish, social discomfort and depression that comes from physically being the wrong gender. Gender dysphoria happens because there is a key aspect of your identity that does not match the rest of you, and let me tell you, it does your fucking head in. I am neurologically female, but born in a male body, and it's been fucking with me since I was a young child. Being transgender is not something one chooses - this is how we're born, and our only recourse is to choose between years of drug therapy and surgery, or suicide. There's a reason why we have a 40% suicide rate.

[Natalija]

I dont get it tho. You never given any indicative that your not a man. I mean, you LOVED being a sadist in your RPs, you loved dominating, you loved nice helpless victims to play out fantasys on... so I dont get it. So vhich aspekt of your identity vasnt male?

[Trill]

Repression is a bitch. Also, women can dominate and be rapists too, you know. Let's not get sexist here.

But I wouldn't mind being a victim as well.

[Natalija]

Lol true dat.

[Trill]

So... things went a bit off the rails a couple of days ago. I bought a whole bunch of stuff downtown, including some female clothing in preparation for going social next month. Later on I dropped by a friend's house because I was buying her dinner and I tried on the clothes so I could show them off and make sure they fit properly.

We sat down to eat and chat, and before I knew it I completely lost my shit and ended up sobbing on my friend's shoulder, crying about I couldn't live as a man any more, I'm not a man, look this is my new name now can I please just be a woman and.. well long story short, I've socially transitioned six weeks early. My carefully coordinated plan is shot to hell and all because I put some different clothes on ahead of schedule.

I've got all the paperwork together and I'm going to file for a name change. I'm OK now, but still a ball of emotion. A lot just happened today and that alone is going to take some time to process, not to mention cleaning up the wreckage of my identity and keeping everyone in the loop. I didn't realize how much I was hurting myself by making myself live as a man, even though the original plan was put in place because I didn't pass at first. But now the HRT has changed my looks enough that I can safely pass in public, and I can finally just let go and be the real me.

You can call me Claire from now on. My Facebook name has already been changed. In the meantime, here's my latest selfie, at 212 days: https://imgur.com/3P4wqxn

[Natalija]

Sure thing Claire.

...thats so fucking weird...

Not... much else im going to say, since it wuld probly seem eiter in-senzitive or cruel. And since i do konsider you a frend, i'l just say nothing, asyde from that i'm happy your happy in your... real... you.

But now the HRT has changed my looks enough that I can safely pass in public,

...ROFL realy? Thats how 30-something women look in Australia? O_o Honestly, you wuldnt pass as one, over here, not for 1 moment vith that face! If I wer you, id wait another couple months, lose some more weigt too, since atm to me, you look like a baby-face chubby guy. Litle less guy-ish then ur old you, and the longer hair helps, but stil not even close to looking like any woman of that age I ever seen. You culd pass for a 55-60 yr old woman, maby.

[Trill]

Sure thing Claire.

...thats so fucking weird...

LOL get used to it, you tramp. I'm still adjusting and so is everyone else around me.

...ROFL realy? Thats how 30-something women look in Australia? O_o Honestly, you wuldnt pass as one, over here, not for 1 moment vith that face! If I wer you, id wait another couple months, lose some more weigt too, since atm to me, you look like a baby-face chubby guy. Litle less guy-ish then ur old you, and the longer hair helps, but stil not even close to looking like any woman of that age I ever seen. You culd pass for a 55-60 yr old woman, maby.

How about after hair and makeup? https://imgur.com/8UQakHd Although I am dressing fairly conservatively, much more so than other women in their 30s, so that could be skewing your perspective somewhat. Also, this is Australia, where women - cis and trans - come in all shapes and sizes. HRT affects different people in different ways: some take very little time to transform and start passing, others never pass at all (and sometimes those cases end in suicide ). Others, like me, take months and eventually crack under the stress.

Unfortunately, waiting any longer isn't an option. I've already made myself live as a man for 7 months and that was bad enough, I'm not fucking made of stone (and definitely not an iron bitch like you ).

[Natalija]

O...k... hair and make-up definitly give you a more feminine touch. Stil not looking like a 30-so woman, lets say 45-50 woman, but it vorks. As long as u stay in Australia, that is. Oh just... tone down a litle on the blush, lol, give ur skin some brething room. XD And vhat-ever u do, dont go in-to the sun/heat vith that much make-up on. Trust me, ur skin wont like it. 

But definitly beter then no-makeup one. Now, I wuld make the argument that the fact u need make-up at all, to complete the maskerade, is evidence enogh that u need more time, but... your call.

[Trill]

The biggest problem is that the powder I used made my skin far too pale (I'm already very fair-skinned), and I need something a few shades darker to keep me from looking creepy pale.

[Natalija]

So shuld I call you Zombie Claire then?

[Trill]

No, thank you.